I love social media!! When it’s used for good and not evil.
Like when someone, let’s call her Nice UK Stranger Lady On Instagram, is sitting behind Tobias Menzies in a London restaurant and posts a picture of it. I then (cautiously) engage in conversation (not to appear too crazy) subtly (or not so subtly) asking questions and saying how lucky that person is to bump into him! Then I nonchalantly ask at what restaurant she may have seen and talked to him so I too can run into brilliant actors. No it has nothing to do with my trip to London to see him in a play on two different nights. No not at all. Oh and did I mention it’s my first time in London and I’m keeping the promise I made to myself that I’d come across the Atlantic to see my boyfriend favorite actor as soon as he was cast in a play? Such dedication. Oh no no this is not a reason at all. Just humbly asking.
But when I really love social media is when Nice UK Stranger Lady On Instagram private messages me that she’d love to give recommendations for my upcoming UK trip and provides the name of the now Not So Secret Restaurant where she bumped into my boyfriend favorite actor. The fun doesn’t end there — she’s also an Outlander fan.
Oh aaaaannnnnddddd she drops that Caitriona Balfe was meeting him! Whaaaatttt!?
You guys. I love social media! It ignites my imagination so for a moment humor me:
I’m sitting at the table at Not So Secret Restaurant annoyed that the waiter hasn’t yet arrived to take my drink order – a girl’s gotta drink in this city! – so I look over my shoulder trying to catch their attention and I notice a man sitting directly behind with his back towards me hunched over the menu. My spidey sense kicks in because the slope of his shoulders and the light hitting his light brown hair just so rings the alarms in my head (and body!) that this is…Hyperventilation kicks in.
Caitriona Balfe then breezes through the restaurant door and I’m on the floor.
I need mouth to mouth from – no not the waiter as I swat him away (you show up now?) – Tobias. Caitriona needs to hold my hand because, together, it’s the only way I can be revived.
After his soft thin lips touch mine and he gently breathes life into me my spontaneous ailment (it was all so sudden!) is miraculously cured. He and Caitriona help me to my feet.
“Are you alright?” they both ask in unison.
“Oh yes I’m fine,” I say breathlessly batting my eyelashes to Tobias and adjusting the plunge in my blouse. “I don’t know what came over me.”
His deep and concerned voice urges, “Here please seat down.”
“Oh you both are too kind,” as I sit at the table next to him and neatly smooth my skirt over my thighs while daintily crossing my ankles. “Let me buy you two a round. Please!”
They both demurely resist but I insist. It is the only way I can repay their heroism.
Thus ensues a few hours of shared laughter between fun travel stories, thoughtful critiques of recent films and TV shows we’ve watched, books we’ve read, and all the while I never unveil my knowledge of their true identities (“Oh you’re both actors? Have you been in anything I may have seen?”). We’ve had so much fun and after a few rounds Tobias has to run to the loo. Just as he’s out of earshot, Caitriona leans in and as the edge of her bob brushes her chin, she lowers her voice, “He is so into you! You have to make a move.”
“What? Me?!” I say with a tinge of mocked embarrassment but inside I’m bursting with witchy glee and basking in the holy light of victory.
“You have to do it first. He won’t,” she says grabbing her wine glass and taking a gulp. “He’s too English and besides you’re American.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“He’ll totally love an American woman hitting on him.”
I roll my eyes. “I doubt I’m the first.”
“Probably not,” she shrugs. “But I bet you’re the first one who did after he gave mouth to mouth to.”
I think for a brief moment then nod. “I’ll hold up that mantel.”
We clink glasses.
I’m so sorry but I just can’t divulge my witchy seduction secrets and what happens after him and I leave the restaurant (it’s so salacious) but let’s just say veni vidi vici.
Thanks again to social media for letting my imagination take flight. Thank you to Tobias Menzies for being born. Thank you readers if you made it thus far.
More to come on my upcoming UK trip – London! Edinburgh (again)! The Outlander Con in Birmingham!